The new toy is smaller than a pack of cigs, and it can blast music, something the earlier ipods could not. Whilst listening to the Brainbombs and GBV I have already walked into a cement wall, and stepped in someone's discarded frozen yogurt. It blocks out the world and the other senses. I speak in monotone, leave my fucking life alone...

So, what in the hell has gotten into Bay Area sports? The Warriors fire Mike Montgomery and are set to hire, nostalgic gulp, Don Nelson Sr. The Raiders deliver an undefeated preseason and the new coach bitch slaps a mouthy star. The Giants begin the big tease that could land them atop the pile of mediocrity that is the National League West. One prominent sports analyst picks the Sharks to win the Western Conference. The A's ride into a kelly green sun.

Am I going to have to start caring again?

With all this time, I've almost made it through the complete works of Albert Camus, inspired by our president's recent dabble in high school perennial, The Stranger.

Must pro sports on television replace the printed page?

Its the end of summer. Where did it all go? Only sub-par quarterbacks, extended family dinners and increasingly shitty weather await us. Is anyone else sad?

What does Forbes know about America's drunkest cities?
You decide.

On the Couch with Lee
When you wake up to the dreary grey morning light of an Oakland August, and even your Bathory records won't salve your sadness for no reason, I can think of no better cure than Lee Hazelwood. Just hearing him croon "These are cold hard times" confirms that any blues you might want to insist upon are delusional and motivated more by self-pity than anything else. Lee's melancholy numbers are always delivered with just the most subtle winks, and suddenly, yupster drama is exposed for what it is-nothing. Think of Lee as emotional Raid- kills self-induced BS theater dead. I'm telling you- Lee Hazelwood could save you thousands in psychotherapy- raid my Soulseek now if only for your mental health.

I finished my last test and passed the Series 86

"Company A has a debt to equity ratio of 40%. Their pretax cost of debt is 6%. The risk free rate of capital is 4% and market equity is 11%. Company A's beta is 1.2 and their taxed at rate of 28%. What is their Weighted After Tax of Cost of Capital rounded to a hundredth of a percent?"

Anything, Anything
Desperately trying to avoid the JonBenet Ramsay shite on tv, I headed to a local tavern for a respite and a calm down. Evidently, Oakland has found karaoke, and I win. Obese Chinese man sings in the most perfect of Motown getdowns, "If Loving You is Wrong," and I'm flabbergasted and howling and begging for more. Dorky professor dude monotones Ghostbusters and irony is no longer dead. Fat black chicks belt out "Anything Anything" by Dramarama with big soul and irony is too weak a term to describe whatever it was. Life exists. Comedy exists. Best of all, surprises exist. Get out on a Wednesday in Oaktown and you too might believe you exist.