Kevin Philips, the author of the new book, American Theocracy, said something on Lou Dobbs last night that has been running through my internal combustion thought engine for months as I've been trying to come to grips with Jesus the Apocalyptic Prophet and this new obsession with the End Times. To paraphrase, he argues that the reason the new Republicans don't care about balancing budgets is that the Return of the Messiah is coming. The Rapture is on the horizon. When George Bush says that his generation probably won't be able to judge the Iraq invasion a success or not, he's speaking in code to his base: we're cleansing the infidels, but soon the rest will get theirs. Dick Cheney says that debt doesn't matter. Of course it doesn't, when there will be no money in the coming Kingdom. All the new Republicans are doing is returning to Jesus's original message. The end is near. The only problem is that Jesus explicitly stated that it would happen in many of his followers' lifetimes. Never mind. The signs are in. Tidal Waves. Floods. Barney and Sponge Bob. The college funds are unnecessary, for all believers will receive their ethereal education when the Kingdom comes. And they really, really believe it's coming. This time, man, The Second Coming will put an end to abortion and evolution and lesbian love and Barbara Streisand. All hail the Righteous! All Hail!