Breaking News
In a stunning development, middle-aged dad and big-time asshole Ken Der has made a deal with Iranian terrorists to test nuclear weapons inside his face to eradicate Der's nasal cavities. Sources say Der's constant whining led his wife to seek help from local Iranian cells, as she was "unable to take his fucking self-pity anymore." According to unnamed sources, Der will emerge from a hidden North Oakland bunker on Friday with irradiated sinuses just in time to get "really fucking shitfaced" for something known as the BudgetRock Fest. Sources were unable to confirm the nature of said Fest, but two local drunks stumbling out of The Hut called it a "pagan bacchanal in which poorly dressed and unemployed sinners dance to the death of Jesus's memory and lick sausage skin from the labias of their Jewish sisters'". Der was unavailable for comment, but sources close to the demon suggest he is an arrogant and obnoxious bastard who uses cyberspace to justify his annoyingly sanctimonious worldview. Rumors that Der was drunk at the time of this posting are unsubstantiated but mostly true.