Short Attention Span Theater

Ok, so Baron and Jackson lost it on national television and everybody's favorite morning word is 'implosion.' I'd still like to be at The Oracle on Friday night, instead of in the Coliseum watching the A's with the T-Ball families. Lucas's team is the Giants, for god's sake. I'm gonna wear my Sharks shirt. And so it goes.

Townes Van Zandt is in my head like those Nellie voices Avery keeps hearing. Just finished the TVZ biography and can declare it total shit. How any editor let that thing go to press is a sad indictment of Da Capo, the publishers who evidently do not read manuscripts.

If you want to wallow in meaningless debachery done wittily, check out Michael Ruffino's Gentlemanly Repose, an account of his sauced days in some hard rock outfit called The Unband (I haven't heard of them either). If you don't mind sketches and episodes with no narrative arc, get on board and chuckle. We get tour stories with Dio, Fu Manchu, Motorhead and Anthrax. Oh, and Def Leppard. He only calls one of those bands first-class pricks. Guess and I'll buy you one.

From George Saunders' "Bohemians": "She said the Catholic Church was a jeweled harlot drinking the blood of the poor," is this week's gratuitous Vatican bash.

Sharks open their series tonight with the Red Wings. If you don't see blobs of dead octopii blackening the ice, the Men in Teel are doing OK.

"Rake" is the most haunting TVZ song. No wait, it's "Nothing." Hold on, it's "Waiting Around to Die." You get the picture. Hide the straight blades.

What's next, Don Quixote or Journey to the End of the Night?