09 June 2008

Goldstein for VP

Remember when the memoir was going to bury fiction? Remember Mary Karr? I have been sucked into enough hypes in my lifetime, but that wasn’t one of them. So, you’re going to deliver conversations verbatim from your 8th birthday party and we’re supposed to nod along as we bathe in your verisimilitude. This cyst on my cheek is real, Mr. Memoir- your book is not. So Sir Bradley was telling me about this book sale in downtown Berkeley, my least favorite part of my least favorite city. Some weekends, however, require desperate measures to beat domesticity by buying something that clearly illustrates my transcendence over the average consumer. I picked up four books, and I’ve almost read them all. Here's a mean-spirited take on one-

Mike Edison used to drum for The Raunch Hands. That might mean something to about three people, and while I can identify the band, I can’t relate to the sound. That said, tastemaker extraordinaire Tim Warren put out a troughload of vinyl by ‘em, which means one thing- mad crazies shouldn’t put out their friends’ records, or at least they should put one of those Tipper Gore disclaimers on the cover that states said relationship. Edison’s claim-to-memoir (It's called "I Have Fun Everywhere I Go") is not his time on the skins, however, but his duties at Screw, Hustler, and High Times. Porn and punk rock, hozac, can you dig it? I could, for awhile, as the boy can write and the stories bring the requisite madness, but way too much self-stroking and score-settling ruin the broth. Short, fat, balding Jewish dudes should not go on and on about their sexual conquests. Fine, tell us about your witty comebacks every time some fool dares to contradict your final wisdom, but do we have to hear in excruciating detail every blind drunk lay? He never once writes “mercy fuck.” I find this confusing. The punk rock tour sections are great fun, but the tedium of recounting every incompetent employee heavily weighs down the second half. Like a lot of these life stories, it needs 200 pages, but everybody has to go 300. The life is rich- can you feel it in the thickness of this hardcover? I wish tales of this sort would come in pulpy paperback with all the ego cut out- you don't need Max Perkins for that.

Look, this is well-written and pretty entertaining for 150 pages, but he does not have a 300-page life. Hey, most of us don't, especially by the age of 40. I'd recommend purchase from the remainder table, if you're hungover and looking to relive the Crypt glory days while wifey poo spends and spends. I'd also recommend a Metrx protein shake and a Thai chili bloody, but that's another subject for tomorrow.

Hup Holland! And beyond...

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

This sounds like a book Id enjoy even with all of its flaws. Just for the record, my autobiography is now up to 6 volumes.

Hey, I read this this morning and found myself really happy. Sometimes people come around and start recognizing qulaity instead of hype.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/06/10/vinyl.records.ap/index.html

sonny house said...

unfortunately, links get cut off on this new comments system- at least that's happening for me- what's the article about? Vinyl sales?

Anonymous said...

Regarding Stabler...part of me thinks this is just the South. Note how everyone in the story protects him and he is a favorite of all of these folks. But there is another part which says to me old age can make someone go crazy. Maybe Bill Murray suffers from this feeling, too?

Anonymous said...

Yes. There are going to be up 80% this year and even some big box retailers are starting to stock it again. Driving this rise in sales is a recognition that analog just sounds better and lps are just cool. You've been saying this since like, what, 1987?

Then again to put this in perspective, cds sold 452 million copies last year vs vinyl at 1 million.

sonny house said...

I was thinking about Murray when I posted that- Stabler has always been a lovable drunk, but what I don't understand is why these folks just don't call cabs. Murray was more of a surprise, but when you raise the bar for fun as high as he probably has, what's left? Desperately seeking the feeling you can't find anymore from the same old tricks.

I'm speaking frome experience, here, tee hee

sonny house said...

one point about vinyl- lots of sales don't get registered because many indie vinyl releases don't have bar codes and plenty of independent stores don't get counted and don't care. So while the numbers are still puny, it's hard to know exactly what sales are as long as soundscan is the measure

Anonymous said...

Just curious, but do you think there is cab service in the Alabama towns Stabler has been arrested in? Electricity?

Dr. D said...

what is a thai chili bloody?

sonny house said...

I had dinner at that restaurant across from the theatre on Piedmont Ave. last night and up on the drink board for specials was Thai Chili Bloody Mary- $8.75