Unemployment just hit 11.6% in California. The state is paying its bills with IOU’s. Parks are closing. Schools are setting up corner graphing calculator stands. Even the Governator cannot stem the tide of woe sweeping across this once golden stretch of promise, and most jaded observers believe no one can.
What we need is a little hope. Something to believe in. Someone larger-than-life who can give us a sliver of possibility in a place where people have quit on themselves.
What we need, clearly, is a fat, switch-hitting, ambidextrous Venezuelan panda.
Pablo Sandoval may be our only chance. The 22-year old Giant rookie third baseman is the brightest bulb on a coast gone dark. Yes, “the round mound of pound” leads the resurgent Giants in hitting (.333), homers (15) and RBIs (55) at the All-Star Break , but a man charged with teasing out Giant fans’ smiles (and solving the state budget crisis, bringing peace to the Middle East, and capturing Osama bin Laden) is going to need more than numbers. He’s going to need style, which is something the Panda exudes, with effervescent ease.
Pablo was born in the fighting port city of Puerta Cabello, Venezuela, which explains a few things, when you consider that the World Values Survey consistently find Venezuelans among the happiest people on earth. This oil-rich nation has produced five Miss Worlds, five Miss Universes, and five Miss Internationals (no, I don’t know the difference either, but I’d be willing to learn), which might have something to do with it, but there is also that Caribbean, happy-go-lucky exuberance oozing from Pablo’s pores. He’s not only Mr. Excitement- he’s Mr. Happy, and his unbridled enthusiasm has won the hearts of the dying faithful in Baghdad-by-the-Bay.
But if gusto were enough to part the seas and clouds, Richard Simmons would be king. A hero needs game, and that is something Pablo brings every night. He is currently fourth in the National League in hitting and sixth in slugging percentage. He missed the All-Star game only because the National League wanted to set the record for futility. The NL’s anemic offense achieved its goal that night, but Frisco fans seethed, knowing who didn’t pinch hit late to save the game for jumpy starter, Timmy Lincecum. “I had the numbers, but not the votes,” Pablo offered humbly about his snub. Somewhere, Charlie Manuel should be sucking paste.
Let’s try another number: 246, which the program lists as Pablo’s weight. Now that doesn’t look so high, until you see 5 foot 11 next to it. So his zest for living extends to the buffet table, but that has only enhanced his legend. To see him run is to fall in love like a middle-schooler. When he leaped over Dodger catcher Danny Ardoin last year to score, Barry Zito dubbed him Kung-Fu Panda. In a post-post 9/11 return to irony, he is now “Little Panda.” My eight-year old son was so moved by the third-baseman that he wrote his first song about him, rhyming “runs so fast” with “such a fat ass.” How many songs of praise have your team’s infielders inspired lately?
Early, Frisco fans were concerned that third base might be a challenge for the former minor league catcher and first baseman, but Pablo has been lithe at the hot corner, making only four errors so far. He has even shown some hops on liners, turning potential doubles into Sports Center outs. In the nimble big man sweepstakes, he sits at the Jackie Gleason table.
Aside from his girth, the Panda is also famous for his generous conception of the strike zone. He makes Manny Sanguillen look like Kevin Youkilis. Giant batting instructor Carney Lansford insists that he tells Sandoval before every at-bat to swing at a strike, but Pablo’s approach remains, “See ball. Swing.” One pitch he looks like a cricket player, and the next he’s a lumberjack. To watch him at the plate is to squirm, cringe and burst with glee simultaneously, and to let the ball fall where it may.
While watching Panda hit can be emotionally vexing, watching him run is pure joy, especially when he’s heading for third. The best image in baseball is Pablo rounding second, especially when he doesn’t arrive. Early in the year, Pablo was heading for a would-be triple when he fell flat on his face. Most mortals would scramble to rise, but Sandoval knew the gig was up. He just lay there, looking, according to manager Bruce Bochy, “like a turtle on his back. Except he was on his stomach.” Some Giant players were concerned that their leading hitter might be hurt as he lay face down in the dirt, but not All-Star pitcher Matt Cain, who remarked, “Kung Fu Panda doesn’t get hurt.” To prove the point, two innings later Pablo hit his first walk-off homer, a three-run shot to beat the Nationals, 9-7. “I just want to get my pitch and drive the ball,” he said later. “I don’t want to tie the game. I want to end it.” And so he did.
These are dark times indeed, and the smart guy number crunchers who got us into this mess are trying to convince us that they know how to get us out. Yea, and Billy Beane promised cheap annual playoff teams arriving on an escalator from minor league city. Pablo Sandoval is the anti-metric. He is a rotund, free-swinging switch hitter who falls down a lot, and he is the reason, Lincecum aside, that Giant fans care again. “We should treat fans like friends,” Pablo said recently through his incessant smile. He is charming and unpolished and completely new, and even if he does not create world peace or put everybody back to work, he will continue to remind fans why sometimes all the suffering is worth it- if only to see what Panda will do after he falls on his face.
13 comments:
He has been a wonderful shot in the arm. And there are other bright spots like Shierholtz. But most thrilling is the prospect of $40M coming off the Giants annual payroll after this season. Sabean just needs to do the smart thing and let Winn, Johnson and Aurillia go. Also Dave Roberts contract finally expires. With that extra cash, Sabean coudl then sign some abts to go with LIttle Panda. Your 2010 SF Giants could be a contender. IF Sabean pulls his head out of his ass.
Let me just say that Travis Ishikawa and John Bowker are not major league hitters. The Giants' first base situation is an embarrassment, and they could have had Adam Dunn relatively cheap- they'd be 15 games over right now if Sabean had pulled the trigger. the Pittsburgh series exposed all their weaknesses. If they do not get some power before the deadline, they will putter along and miss the playoffs by a few games. Bengie Molina has the lowest OBP in the major leagues, and he is our cleanup hitter. He also "protects" the Panda. It is a testament to the pitching staff (relievers have been unbelievable) that they're still in it, but if Sabean doesn't get a bat, I will finally join you on the firing squad.
Oh, and fuck prospects.
these are all valid points. It is a testament to just how clear the Giants needs are that people are saying the same thing. Personally, I am not that concerned with the playoffs. At best the team could squeek in and lose in the first round after scoring 4 runs in the series. Unless some great opportunity presents itself, I think it's the smarter move to wait till the off season to make a move. This would allow us to acquire some bats without giving up some pitching prospect. The Giants pitching is shaping up to be the best in baseball. Young, great talent and very deep.
On a side note, I have to say I find Molina's lack of speed and weight annoying. He is a pro athlete getting paid $7M a year or thereabouts. Put down the cheeseburger! Instead Molina costs the Giants runs . Let this guy go and bring up Posey next year!
Yea, I hear you on the possibility of not scoring any runs in a possible playoff- decent pitching could shut this team down easily. On the other hand, you can't assume things will go well next year- the opportunity is here now, and I think you have to seize it. Baumgardner (sp?) could be Kurt Ainsworth- no guarantees. Will Sanchez's stock ever be higher? He was 2-8 when he pitched the no-no. I just can't see the bullpen continuing to pitch out of their minds, so you have to find a way to score more runs.
Molina lacks discipline all over the place. The man swings at every pitch, and everybody knows it. It's hard to watch, especially as he's been struggling for two months.
First, I think as a GM you always have to make some assumptions. IMHO its a safe assumption that the Giants are coming into the rarest of things in baseball...a very young, very talented pitching staff. I'd be extremely hesistant to trade that.
As far as Sanchez goes, yes I'd deal him for the right bat. But the point I am making is the Giants have an opportunity to put a team together for the next 5 years which will contend for the NL penant. In hindsight a wild card slot in 2009 will mean nothing when the Gyros could be going to the WS in coming years.
Of course if this is IF Sabean doesn't act like an ass and resign the oldsters bc deep down he knows he doesn't have the skills to acquire some young bats even with $40M at his disposal.
This is my real fear.
Well, fair enough, but keep in mind the Giants are going to have to sign Lincecum, so they're going to have to do something about Zito.
You can also spin the wild card thing the other way- does another team have three starters as good as the Giants', assuming either Johnson returns or Sanchez turns it around? Would you want to face 'em in the first round if you were Philadelphia or St. Louis? That might sound like a stupid question given the anemic performance in Pittsburgh, but opening with Lincecum and Cain might look awfully scary from the other dugout.
Make Baumgardner untouchable, but who else is strictly hands-off? Cain, Lincecum, Affeldt and the Panda. Everybody else should be on the block.
and Posey. Every report about him is very good. Plus he takes Molina's place at no additional cost.
But yes, everybody but them Id deal for power hitting. I'm just not sure we have much to offer.
This offseason? We've got at least $25M reasons why a hitters want to come here even taking into consideration Lincecum's raise.
Wow think about a Giants team with the following: lincecum, Cain, Sadowski, Baumgarner and Sanchez/Affeldt. A very solid bullpen on most nights. Also Panda, Posey and maybe Shierholtz. The average age is like 25?
Assume our Rowand stays. That leaves the Giants with OF, 1B, 2B and shortstop available to fill with power hitters and the money to make it happen.
That is hot.
WORST ROAD TRIP EVER!!!!
they are ugly. Unwatchable even. And Obama sucked on TV night. I'm scared we won't get our govt health care option and the bad guys will win again. It's been 61 years since Teddy Roosevelt first tried to achieve this.
Rough night. Freezing in SF. I'm going to bed. Bah!
Teddy?
sleep tight and then check your history book.
the worst I've seen the Giants all year. Just ugly.
I checked and Teddy Roosevelt was the first to try to get health care passed. Yes, Teddy. This is ridiculous and a prime example of how lobbying can hurt Americans in a litteral sense.
And yes it is 3:40 AM
no, I meant 61 years ago, which would make it 1948-
do you have insomnia?
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