Metal March

Stop listening to another tuneless take on indie/garage/noise/trash/weird/experimental/etc. and just listen to some fucking metal, dude. I'll be this week's guide.

Kvelertak- S/T - a Norwegian John Brannon fronts Turbonegro during the latter's glory years, which might sound hideous to you, but your track record of wrong speaks for itself. That our screamer sings in Norwegian renders all lyrics unintelligible, but given the standard inanity of metal poetry, that is probably a blessing. The difficulty distinguishing between the eleven songs suggests the relentless pursuit of a clear vision or the extremely limited range of your one-trick pony-  I say let's ride.

Black Breath- Heavy Breathing- Seattle, of all forgotten places, has itself something serious here. I'm guessing these boys have a lovingly maintained shrine to Entombed in their shitstained communal space. Apparently these guys come from hardcore, but haircuts are fucking expensive and metal chicks are hotter and sluttier. I'm listening to this in Piedmont right now, and this song is called "Eat the Witch."

Shining- Blackjazz- Trying to describe this would put the final nail in my asshole coffin. That album title should tell you most of what you need to know, especially if you couple it with the premise of this stroll through metal lane. This record genuinely makes me ponder a ride on the middle-aged acid train.  I have no idea if I enjoy this "music." I just know it is weirdly intriguing and makes suburban streets radiate pulsating heat when I trudge off to the gulag.