Things I (Re)Learned Watching Chris Webber's Return and Waking Up to the Chronicle

Pot makes you fat.

Caring about a regular season NBA game reveals a gaping hole in your life's priorities.

Your own sick children are the sweetest creatures on the planet.

The Warriors can be the worst team in the league on any given night.

The season is way too long.

Mark Morford is a cliche machine.

Sometimes, two beers just bores and bloats.

Sabbath rules.

Scratchy records sound better than MP3's.

I need a Richard Yates break.

Frozen enchiladas must be defrosted before baked, or else you get Mexican mush.

Chris Evert and Greg "The Shark" Norman are an item- this is Evert's third athlete husband. Scott Ostler tells us she's in terrific shape. These are important facts. Study them. Know them. Live them.