The Weekend

Why are you such an asshole? I can't say- I've been on my feet for over 16 hours and the babysitter has braces. Why do we have to leave right this very minute? I've got half a beer and I'm trying to get down with the rich guy. Because I'm crashing down the mountain of my middle age exhaustion upon a glass shard parachute of enough. Bring me to my castle. Love negotiations can be made elsewhere. I have breakfast to make for toddlers in less than six hours and a little league meeting to attend in less than eight. George (I Guarantee It!) Zimmer is the coach. Ain't second go-rounds grand? I watched a documentary about suicides from the Golden Gate Bridge in 2004 and wept buckets of oddly burning tears that left pockmarked scars on my poofy cheeks and I'm wondering if there's some kind of special stigmata for athiests that takes you back to high school and prepares you for the worms. I watched a documentary about the 2004 presidential election in Ohio that gave hope, common decency and fair play several swift kicks in the floppy pants. I'm trying to watch a documentary about a Dutch guy who follows Alan Lomax's trips around the world to capture (10,000 field recordings!) world folk music but I keep pausing it to wonder how many levels we're removed from the real thing. I feel like the Kevin Bacon of viewers. I ate tikka masala tonight and drank one beer, a Stone Ruination IPA that was overpriced and left me with nothing but lemonade to wash back the chicken pakora. Have you ever seen 25 5-year olds running wild through a Pump It Up party at 10:45 on a Sunday morning? You think that Babtist church slumming action at that Glide place is music, come down to the inflated rubber pulpit of the screaming mee mee mosh pit of big sweaty small boy energy. More Pizza! More cake! Hey, that dad snubbed me again, just like at that last suicide-inducing fundraiser! And then it all fades into dust as you whizz down the slide with a screaming Amy whose bliss ain't no bliss you can ever remember.

It is the cycle of life, motherfuckers- can you dig it?