It's Teel Time, Ladies

Now that Cal has delivered on their promise of betrayal and the Giants just weren't quite ready for prime time and the Warriors have imploded on MEDIA DAY and the Raiders are auditioning for the new USFL, it's time to get serious about tomorrow's opening night of the hockey season. That's right- it's time for everybody's favorite post-season lillies, your Men in Teel, the San Jose Sharks.

And what would a new season be without some controversy? Last season's President's Cup winner flamed out in the first round against the not-so mighty Ducks, solidifying their position as the biggest playoff gaggers this side of Ottawa. Guilt-ridden G.M. Doug Wilson made the punters squirm all summer before making the BIG TRADE he promised when the Sharks were self-lacerating for their playoff failure. (By the way, the Sharks are the Catholic penitentes of the National Hockey League. Every post-season failure is followed by the public equivalent of 500 lashes with the juniper, and even then, you get the feeling that the powers-that-be think it just isn't enough to satisfy the intensity of their self-loathing. For those counting at home, they're the anti-Warriors, who just cash checks from the blindly loyal and send them to the Richard Dawkins fund for slaying believers). DW sent off crowd favorite but fading Jonathan Cheechoo and underachieving Nordic pussy Milan Michalek for the first pure scorer the Sharks have ever had, the two-time 50-goal scoring Dany Heatley, formerly of Ottawa, naturally. Now, will the famously harmonious Sharks' clubhouse be ruffled by the notorious Heatley, who has begged out of two cities and left a trail of liquid hate steaming a blue streak behind him? Will the new captain, the middle-aged defenseman, Rob Blake, provide the quiet leadership that calms the jitters of first-time players and those who perform like rookies when April rolls around? Will Brad Staubitz kill a man stone dead with a series of right crosses, dropping him bleeding in an uncomfortably pleasing red puddle on white ice tableau, preferably against the Stars?

As usual, I have no answers, but I do have predictions.

The Sharks will get off to a relatively slow start. Last year they opened 25-3 and faded. Won't happen this year. They still might fade, because they are a professional sports team playing in what can only loosely be defined as the Bay Area, but no hot start. Too many new pieces need to find their grooves.

The fans will have less patience with Mr. Nabokov- the Nabby chants will echo from the rafters, but they'll be harder to hear on the way down. More and more playoff failure fingers be pointing at the Russian goaltender.

Joe Pavelski will score at least thirty goals this year. If they can keep a Patty Marleau, Ryan Clowe, Joe Pavelski second line for a good chunk of the season, the little man will get his 3-0. And he'll win several games with penalty shots, but you already knew that.

The Sharks will finish in the middle of the Western playoff pack, say 4th or 5th, and ask me no questions from there. I've had so much character-building in the last five years I'm Jessica Rabbit.

Sharks vs. Avalanche- Thursday night on Versus...

But wait, Comcast is fucking over Direct TV and now the faithful can't see the game because Direct does not offer Versus because Comcast owns the channel and is charging DirectTV astronomical fees for it. Is Al Davis behind this? Why didn't Michael Moore get it in his new "movie"? Why must the long-suffering be whisked aside with the back of some pudgy 23 handicap local TV executive's liver-spotted hand?

Is this what Dylan meant when he said you're going to have serve somebody?

Anyway, tonight I'll probably be sitting in some overpriced sports bar, sipping on liquid resignation and doing the nine-mile stare of woe.

Stirring the pot

Am i crazy or is this song pretty good?
I could be nuts. I had little dinner, 5 Speakeasy Big Daddys and I'm about to bust out the whiskey.



All I want to do is listen to Dr. Demento sing song ding dong novelty music. Looking at these playlists from the 70s, he was playing some of my favorite stuff; Bonzo Dog Band, Holy Modal Rounders, check out this one with Devo live in the studio 1977

Do you guys like Brian Glaze? He has been changing up his game a lot recently. I think he went to Ken's school. His new style is just cracking me up. Listen to "Leader of the Band", "Shake Shiloh" and "Violence Within" at that link. I just bought the record, can't wait. A sweaty bummerific Pet Shop Boys LA "Less Than Zero" evening without any of the more nefarious associative elements awaits.

I have been trying for hours, but the Gonerfest streaming thing isn't working.

Here's a Soulseek rape scene

Sanford Clark!! Watch the video, pretty cool.

"We're like Lollipops and Caviar":


Oh Hey, check this out. Another exclusive exclusive world premiere right here on Hacking at Slop:

Brian Wilson

I was going to write about the Giants but tonight's ninth crushed my will.

I was going to write about bullies on the bus but that lacks a certain je ne sais quoi.

I was going to write about JaMarcus Russell but I don't want to sound racist.

I was going to write about Mitch McConnell but I just couldn't muster the strength.

I was going to write about Gonerfest but we forgot to book tickets.

I was going to write about the new Pynchon but the stoner ethos killed my brain.

I was going to write about the best double album to come out in the past decade, Dan Melchior's O Clouds Unfold, hot off the presses from Hook or Crook, but sometimes you have to let greatness simply flow over you.

I was going to write about the Piedmont social scene, but you wouldn't believe me.

I was going to write about the Dani Heatley trade, but you miserable bastards just don't care.

I was going to write about Cal football, but we know how these next few weeks will end.

I was going to write about Stephen Jackson, but Robert Rowell depresses me, as do grown men in We Believe t-shirts.

Let's face it- I just just don't have a thing to say.

I Blame Aaron Rowand

Friday night toss off

My friend John O'Neill, who you may remember from the old days of the Parkside, is now back in the writing game. He may be a good reason to pick up the SF Weakly or whatever else he writes for now.

He wrote me about writing something about Budget Rock. He said it will be in "944 Magazine ( a super-glossy, high-end 7X7-meets-GQ style mag that does lots of fashion and some music) and it is my plan to have you featured for their "playlist of the month" thing."

So i wrote this up. Now he tells me he only gets to list the artist and the title. So I am throwing it up here. Doo dah doo dah.

My Top Ten I like to think of myself as having a huge awesome record collection, but most of my stuff has been boxed up since I moved about a year and a half ago. Until a couple weeks ago I just listened to the same 100 or so unpacked records over and over and over. So this is the honest truth:


1) Sanford Clark "Shades" collection on Bear Family- Arizona country singer produced by Lee Hazlewood. Been listening to this constantly for about a year. Fans of the "God Less America" comp will recognize "It's Nothing to Me". His deliver is kind of deceivingly soft, but he's got a really tossed off way of saying tough shit that makes Johnny Cash sound like kind of a wimpy poser. I don't want anybody to run out and download this though, it is still in the realm of "private favorite". So just back off.






2) Freddie Fender- Particularly "How Much is that Doggie in the Window" from the "Are you Ready for Freddy?" LP. I am a huge fan of everything Freddy Fender and listen to him all the time. His rendition of this shitty novelty song is playing less on my stereo than in a constant loop in my head as I slowly lose my mind.









3) "Gimme Dat Ding" by the Pipkins (also released as Ding Dongs)- I don't know how I never heard this song until a few years ago, but anyone unlucky enough to wander into a bar where I am DJing will get to hear it a couple times just to make me laugh. Alternates with "How Much is that Doggie..." on the mind-loss rotation setlist. I found this in a stack of LPs at my grandma's house (the only other non-big band record was, inexplicably Rick Nelson's 1981 swamp pop sleeper "Playing to Win"!) Gimme Dat Ding is totally insane sawdust/peanut shell floor piano roll novelty. I hate to say it sounds like anything "on acid" but maybe "Winchester Cathedral on acid." Maybe . It was written by Albert Hammond, who wrote some of my least favorite music of all time and is the father of a guy from the Strokes. I know, who cares, but more importantly, the lead singer on this song is Tony Burrows, who I doubt most people would recognize, but must hold some kind of record for having had 3 separate top 10 hits in 3 consecutive months in 1970 with 3 different manufactured studio groups (Edison Lighthouse's "Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)" (February 1970); White Plains' "My Baby Loves Lovin'" (March 1970); The Pipkins' "Gimme Dat Ding" (April 1970). Then he did it again 4 years later with The First Class' "Beach Baby" (July 1974). This may have been what really put Tony Jackson over the edge.




5) Wounded Lion- My favorite modern group, more so every day. They are playing Budget rock this year on Friday night at the Parkside. They are POP, but without the irony or self-back-patting you see these days in bands like...I can't think of anyone right now but you know who you are. Are the Fiery Furnaces still around? Regardless, Wounded Lion are intelligent, self respecting modern men with no agenda but fun. Get the new 7" on In the Red called "Friendly." I don't have it myself yet, but i love that song when they play it live.

6) Primitivas- My wife's band with Tina Lucchesi (Trashwomen, Bobbyteens, many others) and Dulcinea Gonzalez (Loudmouths) and Rene Leal (LaTeenos). They practice at my house so I hear them more than any other music. They are really good. They tried to do a Russ Meyer/biker gang movie/girl group type band, but they were too good to fall prey to their own concept. I would say they sound like the Morlocks if they were big tough Mexican chicks and decided to veer off the garage formula into more groovy territory. I always want them to sound like Steppenwolf, but they seem to be getting too good for that kind of joke anymore.

7) Bonzo Dog Band- Whenever someone starts talking about what a genius Paul McCartney is, I want to lock them in a room and play this for them for a few days. What can I say about Bonzo Dog Band? The perfect combination of everything I like. Rockaliser Baby, We Are Normal, Look at Me I'm Wonderful...I love it. Is never far from my stereo.










8) Sparks- Just the kind of band I like getting into late in the game. They have like 10 records I still haven't even heard, which is awesome because I can't stop listening to the other 15 right now.













9) Tom Fogerty "Myopia"- Yes, that says Tom Fogerty, not John. I actually bought this thinking it was some John Fogerty record I didn't have and listened to it a few times before I figured it out. This LP gets dismissed everywhere I have read about it, but I really like it. 2 or 3 of the songs sound exactly the same, but it is a good song. 1974 Post Creedence LP recorded for Fantasy with Stu and Doug providing the rhythm section. Has a trippy psychedelic cover that looks like it was painted by a damaged 10th grader in art class. I like this a lot.





10) King Tuff "Was Dead"- I just got this on cassette from Burger Records, which is a great all cassette label done by Thee Makeout Party folks. They are putting out the cream of the crop of modern punkypoppy music i am trying not to call power pop or pop punk. Stoner pop from kids who try to look like homeless child molesters. I don't know anything about King Tuff except it is one guy who is in J. Mascis's backup band and everyone I know was telling me I would like this for the last year. Since I have a tape player in my politically correct 1997 Ford Explorer, i listen to this all the time now. They were right- it reminds me of, but doesn't necessarily sound like, one of my all time favorite records: Mike Rep and the Quotas - Stupor Hiatus Vol. 2. The sound of a guy soloing with his eyes closed, imaging himself on a stage like Neil Young in Rust Never Sleeps, but really sitting in an old chair wearing dirty gray socks alone at home. Basically epic bedroom jams.

Also: Television Personalities, David Peel, Del Shannon and Gene Pitney get a lot of play around here.

Cameltoe and Inherent Vice

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fuck it.

I'm listening to metallic ko for the first time in like 8 years drinking a freshly cracked bottle of blaton's single malt i got for my wedding. how did i run out of wedding whiskey so fast?? i saw loli and the phonies tonight and james williamson is playing tomorrow in san jose. did you see this?? can't go...life is unpredictable. i want to read the phantom surfers book . budget rock is insane. people suck but it is worth it later. i am almost finished with the mark e smith book i borrowed, hopefully this paragraph doesn't indicate it has affected my ability to effectively communicate.






i took out all my anger on a stranger on the internet today.


A cool girl i went to high school with posted this on her facebook

If the mere act of speaking to schoolchildren leads to political indoctrination, then I should be a flaming right-wing Republican after hearing Nancy Reagan tell me to "just say no" for eight years of my life. She was even on "Differen...t Strokes" for crying out loud, and I certainly don't remember anyone burning their television sets after that.

somebody i don't know wrote

I concur!

I WROTE

the time presidents spend with schoolchildren can be very valuable http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ro3o-ld0CWw

somebody else i dont know wrote

Tiffany, this couldn't have come at a better time. THANK YOU! (and welcome home! look forward to seeing you next Friday.)

this other cool girl i went to high school with said

Tiffany, I knew I could count on your insight into yet another ridiculous inflamatory claim by the extreme right. Thanks! Chris, GREAT video too.

this guy i don't know, who i will call Mr. Conservative, wrote

Nancy Reagan wasn't the president, was she? She was the astrologer-in-chief. ;) Regardless, I guess it depends on what he's proposing to say. Or maybe not. Bottom line is his popularity is plummeting if so many people are against him doing this. And yes, the opposition party will exploit it if they can. Bottom line is he's a one-term president who will be lame-ducked by next year's mid-term elections.

my friend who started this wrote

I haven't seen any valid numbers that show how many people are truly 'outraged' by Obama's address to schoolchildren, but I'm guessing it's the same people who don't want "Huckleberry Finn" read in schools. Sigh.

some other guy i dont know wrote

...I am still waiting for Obama to 'do something'...

a third smart woman i went to high school with said

Wow. I thought I couldn't dislike conservatives any more than I already did. I hope that the schools stand strong against this kind of fear mongering.

the first friend, who i will call Tiffany because it is her name wrote

I sometimes wish he would simply approach the podium, gaze deeply into the cameras, say "Talk to the hand," and then just walk away.

Smart high school friend who is a woman #3 from before wrote

according to the CNN article I read- "Ninety percent of Americans who identify with the president's party approve of him, but 85 percent of those who belong to the opposition party disapprove." http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/09/04/obama.schools/index.html

I said

i guess when you're just making shit up you get to have as many bottom lines as you want.

Mr Conservative said

Karen i think u hit the nail on the head. He's a VERY polarizing figure now. He has already failed as a consensus builder. He's very popular within his party and very unpopular outside of it. So now something as simple as addressing the nation's schoolchildren becomes high drama.

Chris, wanna bet a dollar he's a one-term president? :)

Friend #3 from above said

Greg- I think that the American political landscape was polarized long before Obama got elected. To me, one of the differences is that no one expected Bush to be a consensus builder as a conservative (and he fulfilled that expectation). If Obama can get things done without a consensus, I'm all for it- it would certainly be a reversal of the ... Read Moreconservative claim to "cowboy" tactics that liberals had to put up with for most of the past 8 years.
I sincerely hope he is not a one-term president. If another Republican is elected in 2012 I will be severely disappointed, and if it's someone as bad as one most conservatives are behind (a la Sarah Palin), I will move to another country. I was in Europe for the 2004 election, and I have never had so much flack from people who knew I was American, nor was I so ashamed to *be* an American.

Mr Conservative, whose name is Greg, said

Ah yes, but he was going to bring "hope" and "change", remember? then he gave the reins to pelosi' congress, whose approval ratings were as low a bush's. Bad move.

I think Obama could still pull a "Clinton" - ie if/when the big mid-term party shift in congress happens, he veers toward the center in order to function, forwards a left-center agenda... Read More and gains popularity. This is not an arch-conservative country, nor is it a very left-leaning one. I think most people, liberal or conservative, are fairly centrist. Obama is far too left leaning (or at least appears to be) to be successful with his current "agenda".

I said

I will bet you a dollar, but after I win I also get to tell you that you are full of shit and you have no business making prognostications about anything. I had this bet with a lot of people who said Obama could never get elected and it has worked out pretty good.

Greg, Mr. Conservative, said

Wow, abuse from the Angry Left! :) Okay, if I win I get to put an "I heart newt gingrich' sticker on your car or something. :)

Someone i dont know said

If McCain was in the white house and was doing the exact same things as Obama, the right would think everything was wonderful.


Tiffany said

Now, now boys... Greg, I remember you betting me a dollar that Obama wouldn't even get the nomination. Come to think of it, you never paid up. Did I mention I charge 29.99 percent interest?

I said

by that time it will have been reported Newt once took a hit out on his ex wife or used to be in the klan or once raped a black child or some other in a long list of quirky hypocritical foibles of his and he'll be in hiding for another 10 years. so it will have some comedic value.

Greg Said

I don't remember that, but if I did ... I owe u. I seriously never in a million years thought this guy would outrun the clinton money machine. And with Joe "what's our web number?" Biden in tow even!

I said

Maybe you should reflect on that. If you, like every other squawking conservative i hear spout this BS, have been so wrong about so much for so long, maybe consider sitting this one out and letting the grownups handle the heavy thinking for a while.

Someone else i dont know said

Tiffany, you always have such interesting threads. It takes a lot for me to get involved in political discussions online (it's a very quick way to lose friends), but this one really has me crazy. Here's my question: Whether or not Obama is a one or two term president, no matter what his poll standings, etc., WHY are sane people NOT outraged by this blatant spewing of unadulterated hate, guns at town hall meetings, inciting of violence, and, really, the president urging kids to work hard and stay in school is Marxist? Really? I just don't understand why non-crazy people are not more upset about this. Do you remember when you couldn't wear a t-shirt with an anti-Bush logo? Didn't people get arrested for doing that?


Greg said

Tiffany, I think someone is breaking your "keep it cute or put it on mute" rule. :)


Tiffany said

Greg is right: I do ask that everyone keep it civil in my wall. That said, I am also angered to find that political discourse in this country has been hijacked by the fear-mongerers on the right. Like Debra, I also wonder why non-crazy people are not more outraged. I think a lot of people have been caught off-guard by all the insanity that has cropped up in the past few months over health care, Obama's birth certificate, and now the president's address to schoolchildren. If it keeps up like this, I predict that more and more people who stepped up to get Obama elected will wake up and become politically involved once again.


I said

I think there's an undiscovered goldmine here- Tiff'sWall has a similar ring to Craigslist...i apologize for breaking her rule, which i know is upsetting to her, and my apology is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WX1euPoZa8



Greg Said

Chris Owens, ladies and gentlemen!

Post 1: Bush Bash, 2001 style (yawn)
Post 2: personal attack
Post 3: After given an offer at conciliation and an attempt at keeping it light, another personal attack
Post 4: Personal attack on a retired politician you disagree with
Post 5: "sqwawking conservative" personal attack
Post 6a: Personal attack, implying that the populace of craigslist (and everyone else I guess) are far too stupid for you
Post 6b "dickless" personal attack

Chris has contributed exactly NOTHING useful or positive to the discussion. He no doubt finds it far more interesting to agree with himself and like-minded individuals, and bash anyone / everyone else. This is what is generally known as being anti-intellectual, or close-minded. And it also defeats the purpose of having a discussion.

Congratulations, Chris! You're the best! Take an extra day off this weekend, on me. Muah! xoxox

A 4th smart lady i went to high school with said

Chris- for the record, those of us with a sense of humor think you're hilarious.

Tiffany... you're right, the non-crazies are going to wake up and get involved once again. It's starting to happen already.

The rational people that need to speak out are the same ones that spent the past 8 years silently coping with an administration that trumpeted stupidity. I imagine there's some turn-around time involved in that. But I've got hope...hmm wonder who gave me THAT?

Tiffany said

Sorry, Greg, you're kind of outnumbered. And Chris, you are hilarious.

a 5th smart lady i went to high school with said

The dialogue, the passion, the ranting, fuming, threatening... the polarization... I am thrilled to see them, as one who voted for Obama and liberalism. They are symptoms of change. What were emotions and arguments like in the Civil Rights Movement? Women's Suffrage? The New Deal? I don't know if we're in the middle of something great, yet, but if it were calm out there, we could be sure we were in the middle of a big fat and highly unjust status quo.


Tiffany said

Amy, I love you for writing that. What an excellent way of looking at things.

I said

thanks folks...i could go on all night, but i think most of us who can read know what went on here today. btw "a polarizing figure" = "a black man." discuss....

the end


i think Ken will not be impressed with the way i comported myself. not very nice and clearly not recognizing the humanity of the person holding the opposing position. i was just trying to be funny...every ex i ever had said they knew i was purposefully being a dick when I said "I was just trying to be funny."...



i sent a letter to Tuna's buddy Bob Fitzgerald in the mail with a copy of this book
Asking him what kind of life insurance planning he has done.
Fitz and I both were on WVFI "The Voice of the Fighting Irish" http://www.nd.edu/~wvfi/
So i hope he gives me a courtesy call back.

Notre Dame football season starts tomorrow. Home game vs. Nevada. You guys don't care.

Giants baseball is gripping right now.

Some rock n roll

He's on his way UP!

Nature is Overrated

Is this the best time of the year for sports fans? The Giants actually have meaningful games after a miracle weekend, the NFL season opens soon (apparently, some people care) and the U.S. Open kicked off yesterday with a new network, ESPN, taking over from USA. There will be no more Ted Robinson playing the late-night foil to John McEnroe, but last night offered brother Patrick, John and Andre Agassi in the booth for a surprisingly candid chat while Andy Roddick was mercifully dispatching a tiny German named Bjorn Phau. Tune in tonight and catch Ms. Ivanovic (left), who is trying to resurrect a career in freefall. Giants/Phils at 4:00.